T W Th F Sa Su M

Tuesday we made granola and ate it. Sunset, I broke my muslim fast in a hindu temple. Rehearsal for some stupid deepavali parade. I turned into a pissy brat. No good.

Wednesday Amma, Acchan, and I broke fast in Ba'alwi mosque with Uncle Belal, Aunty Najma, Imam Hassan, his wife. Not with, really. The women and men were separate. Nuff said. Good to go though.

Thursday Bush will call himself President of USA for another four FUCKING years. I fasted from water. Was fine. Stomach still disastrous from the turned pumpkin soup a few days ago, though. Kris came over for dinner, we went for subText and ran into Lindley and Ian.

Friday another rehearsal for that stupid deepavali parade, so I had water. Broke fast in the car. Started with a bad attitude, pissy brat again, but this time the too-cool-for-y'all, wander-around-tree-gaze-mystically-at-sky kind of pissy brat. Warmed up a little, but still not entirely as positive as I could have been.

Saturday dance class, stayed there straight through getting ready for the stupid parade, but all went fine. Totally positive, was I. Almost only contributing good energy and whatnot. Sweet. Never again, for real, but just once, I could handle the stupid parade. Amma has joined me fasting, but we couldn't break together. Water again today.

Sunday I grabbed my wallet and Dhammapada to go to Elektra rehearsal. A pocket book version that actually fit in my pocket. Sweet. Fasted from water again. Broccoli soup but I ate too much as always. Stomach still churning pumpkin. Cinderella I ain't.

Today Iraq declares a state of emergency. What the fucking Fuck fuck. I laughed out loud a real laugh, not a dry ironic bittersweet snigger. If people weren't dying I wouldn't try to stop laughing, I said.

Day 18
Moon 11ish
Fast 23 (25)
Wine 21
Ambikaaliilaa, longer than i thought.
Getting ready for open house and poetry reading on sunday.

stay with that shakiness

forwarded by christine hoffman.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Paul Bastian
Date: Mon, 11 Oct 2004 23:39:21 -0700
Subject:
To: christine3@gmail.com


"Life is a good teacher and a good friend.
Things are always in transition, if we could only realize it.
Nothing ever sums itself up in the way that we like to dream about.
The off-center, in-between state is an ideal situation,
a situation in which we don't get caught up
and we can open our hearts and minds beyond limit.
It's a very tender, nonaggressive, open ended state of affairs.

To stay with that shakiness --
to stay with a broken heart, with a rumbling stomach,
with the feeling of hoplessness and wanting to get revenge --
that is the path of true awakening.
Sticking with that uncertainty, getting the knack of relaxing in the
midst of chaos,
learning not to panic -- this is the spiritual path.
Getting the knack of catching ourselves,
of gently and compassionately catching ourselves
is the path of the warrior.
We catch ourselves one zillion times as once again,
whether we like it or not, we harden
into resentment, bitterness, righteous indignation --
harden in any way,
even into a sense of relief,
a sense of inspiration."

- from some book

Day 11
Moon 4ish
Fast 16 (18)
Wine 14
Ambikaaliilaa, getting there.