Saturday, October 09, 2004

the sent mail excerpts from 10/03 i thought i shmeleted or shlost.

Amma, Acchan, titled Bloop
is what maya writes things like in the middle of her mails.
let me turn that sentence right way up.
maya writes things like bloop in the middle of her mails.
verbal inversion. mental invasion.
the home. how about a real home? not an NGO type thing. lets start with where YOU both want to have a home (a home which i will also call home, regardless of where i happen to jet off to from there). so lets figure that out first. where do want to live the rest of your lives? and then we'll build it, and there will be children and other sorts of animals that will need a home and we will give it to them and build more if we need to, funds will come and go, home will always be. so where and how do you want to live?

To Malika Virdiz, first email, titled apprenticeship
To give you an idea of where I'm coming from (thought/belief/action-wise, especially), I went to college in California, and for the last couple years of school I lived in a cooperative house on campus that had a small garden, compost, tried to go organic, alternative living, blah blah, modern day hippie stuff, some call it. Since then I've been continuing my search for alternative living practices, whatever that might mean at the time. I'm prone to supporting organic food and products, but as part of a larger picture of sustainable and balanced living, not the yuppy niche market that the organic label has turned into so often. I like to know where my food comes from, who
gathered it, and I especially like that Who, the Who that gathers my food, to include me. Along the sustainability and balance lines, I'm currently in the process of seeking apprenticeships with various good souls in order to gather lifeskills to help my parents set up a home eventually, in which they will hold open the door, hold up the roof, and hold out a full plate, to whoever might want such things (especially to kids).
I'm also prone to supporting reasoned and cooperative freedom and sovereignty and autonomy. nilanjana mentioned you were involved in such a struggle. i'm not so sure of where you are geographically, but autonomy is autonomy, and the north of india is not neccessarily india, and nation states are arbitrarily defined by the rule of (a military) state and another world is possible.

Alpha, Acchan, Amma, August 14, 2004
illustrating the exploitation of entirely hypernumerated lexicalization

Molly Aeck, Zoe FC
dearest moldawg (and zoybean)
sometimes am so ever frustrated with myself for not being in NYC these past few days (and boston last month). that was so my plan was it not? what happened? how did i end up typing this to you from an internet cafe in trissur (india) listening to a cheezy early 90s song (i'll be two steps behind you, yeah-ee-eah, two steps) instead on the streets with la poder de la gente?
how long are you both there? whats happening? where next? shit dawgs, i hope youre peaceful and rowdy and healthy and happy. tear it up a little extra for me will you?

David Solnit, Sept 1
saw the book on akpress site just the day before i got this email, didnt have time to write and felicitate because computers keep blowing up or freezing on me.
i'm in india visiting family and experiencing strange concoctions of belonging and alienation at the same time. i thought i was supposed to be at RNC in NYC right now, but apparently i wasnt supposed to be, after all.
manipur, a state in north east india is on fire. the people want the state to remove the armed forces special powers act, at the very least. at the most extreme they want autonomy, independence, like many of the northern areas of this increasingly powerful country. while the cops beat down on them last week, india's politicians commemorated india's independence day and india's freedom fighters like gandhi etc. i wasnt sure whether to laugh or cry or puke. manipur features nowhere in the world news i think, no?
still, i read about gaiia and am happy that she will survive whether or not we do.
hoping youre healthy and happy and tearing it up. paz.

Adrian Guzman, Sept 5
the day has come, the day is here, happy birthday!!!
what with computers blowing up on me or at the very least, freezing EVERY single TIME i try and use it, and me being sort of travellish on the go right now, i didnt know if i'd get to email in time, and now its not actually your birthday here anymore but if my calculations serve me correctly, which they never do of course, it should be only 4:30 (3:30?) in the afternoon and you should be gearing up to have the wildest party ever with your family, going all out with the ambrosia you've never tasted that we sophistes call "le buuz".
how was RNC?!!!! please be my eyes ears and heart and tell all thank you yes.
spiderman 2 is the only one on your list i've seen, it sucks the biggest fattest mama monkey kaka ever. i went to an int'l film fest in trissur, saw some really good stuff there.
outtie. back in singapore on sept 27, probably talk to you only after that. once again, hoping youre having a good one, mr.

Lakshmi Gopal, Sept 5
gaaaar! last time i tried to reply to your message the computer froze. it was very long. now its all gone. such is life. easy come easy go. nothing is forever, infinity is forever, infinity is nothing. see, the thing about table yoga is that there wouldnt even be table yoga. i think i let you run away with that idea too fast and far. its not the table thats important. the concept behind the yoga that involves the table, if it is even a yoga, (what exactly is a yoga?) is realizing that everything, including the table or the coasters, or the cockroach or a) all made of the same essential stuff, energy, ki, chi, whatever (heard of string theory? exciting stuff. the physicists in this area talk ever so metaphysically its wonderful. whether theyre right about strings or not, the concept is much usable), and b)that all of these things, Me, the table the coasters cockroach and... are all part of a larger whole, shall we say, the room, which is part of a larger whole, perhaps the apartment, and so on and so on, until the larger whole is everything, One. when someone takes us away from that table and room and apartment, we are perfectly at peace because we know that being away is in a way an illusion, because we are always present with everything since we are part of that One that is everything. using the table as a starting point becuase it happens to be in front of us, these two ideas are what we devote ourselves to in this unnamed yoga, not the table itself. in the step with the table, we might consider the wood that table is made from, the tree that it used to be, the person who cut it and nailed it, now this is definitely no longer a yoga, its gone too wide. i dont know. but have i remoevd the idea from your head that i'm worshipping a table, or a table god? are you back in india? what are you up to? i'm in panamanna(near ottapalam) leaving back for singapore from madras ont he 26th. see you soon fellow world wanderer. ammu malavika

Shashi, Oct 1, titled Andaz
.is the word i was looking for, that d-word that meant cooking without
a recipe and just putting things together by intuition or whatever, and you and prita were helping/confusing me by throwing out all these d-words, yeah well apparently its not a d-word, although it does have a d in it.
when you came to panamanna on a whim that day we were going to kottakal, the last two things i said to you while you were leaving were 1) when you said something about being my long lost uncle i said you can stay lost as long as you want, and 2) when you tried to start your bike i jokingly offered to start it for you. neither of these meant, or did (i think) any harm, but as you rode off i had a sudden and stupid flash of how i would feel if you crashed and died and these were the last things i said to you and i wished i had instead said that i really respected the way you cut short and wound up our coca cola argument with the spot-on insight that we both probably essentially agreed anyway, and that i was glad you made
a surprise visit because it was nice to see you even briefly. and then
you came riding back to get the thing you forgot and i was gladder than glad and i felt like i had been given a second chance. i think from now on when a parting is taking place i'll take more care to say things i really feel about the person (if i like em, if not, i'll just shut the hell up) instead of trying to be funny and quippy and sarcastic.
i forgot to warn you that a package might be coming from sasi in
bangalore, if it comes/has come, can you tell me what it is, and then
just keep it there, i'll pick it up next time?
hi and love to p-dawg and ben-dawg

Denali, Ank, Oct 2
deenyloonybali (and ank, i'm cc'ing you on this because after i started writing it i realized i would eventually be saying many of the same things to you too)
bah humbug, you took 5 weeks to reply, i took two months. 5 weeks or two months is one molecule on the southern tip of a speck of dust on the horizon of existence.
i'm back in singapore, back from india where i was roasting eggplants and having sex with other (?) americans, the question mark is because i'm no longer "american", but in fact i dont really need a question mark because the sex didnt really happen and the eggplants were usually fried not roasted. truth is, i spent a lot of time with different parts of family. i saw parts of india i havent seen but i didnt do anything revolutionary. thats ok. i'm ok with that. now what next?
when am i coming. to brazil. yes see you know how the plan i tell you one month is likely to be the very opposite of what i'll tell you the next? DNC RNC new york brazil now i just dont know. bangalore is figuring on the horizons. it calls. from there, i might just be called to a farm in the northern rural regions of india, where there are autonomy struggles and organic strawberries. apparently i'm focusing in on india. part of that is to be able to fly to my parents without a humungabungabus cost, both in terms of money and in terms of fuel. i think i've used up more than my fair share of jet fuel for the rest of my lifetime. also, if i get arrested for, say, standing in front of the construction of a highway or a dam, i will not be using the normal recourses of the law, because i no longer abide by the US nor any other state's legal obligations, and there is  a chance i'll have my passport taken away, or something like that, (because passports, i think, are the closest thing to an implicit acknowledgement and validation of a state's control over us) and if i get stuck anywhere i want it to be in india so, again, i can get to my parents or i can get to them.
theyre almost definitely settling in india to build this home of ours that i'm in the process of gathering lifeskills and knowledge for (even if i do get around to taking natural building lessons, i'll still be needing folks to come and help and advise, so keep that plan in mind denali. ankh, denali has promised to come help build our home, you in?). i went to a region in the hills of northern kerala to scope it out. its bliss. nirvana. paradise. gods own country, as kerala is advertised in all tourism promotions. blech. anyway, it might not be there, it might be somewhere else, so if i go to bangalore i can explore more options, while at the same time getting the opportunity to expand on the dance work i'm doing now, and do the theatre work i'm so craving.
i havent mentioned all this to my parents yet, i think because i'm now so traumatized by my own electron-like planning skills. (like an electron jumping invisibly from one orbit to another, here one minute, there the next, ah yes you see?) i'm now hesitant to tell them something because itll start getting firmer in my mind and then when, not if, i change my mind i'll feel yet more impossibly foolish. i mean. what if i crumble under my guilt and fury and go to iraq because i have this vague notion i should be raging against the machine there, instead of sitting here and finding peace and bliss and enlightenment?
anyhoo. december comes round soon enough, regardless of whether i'm ready for it or not, and the next leg of my life will begin.
so, hermosos, no se cuando nos recontraramos. is that right? i've lsot my little spanish. i'm hoping to get around to taking that dictionary in one hand, my cien anos de soledad in the other to mash my eyes over both.
out i am, kiddos. the TV is distracting me, i cannot see your faces anymore to be able to converse.


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