Sunday, October 17, 2004

Ramadan 2004

Friday was the start of Ramadan. I think it was also World Food Day, or maybe it was yesterday (Saturday). I was performing a couple items for Maami's Navaratri show Friday and Saturday so I put off starting the fast till today. Mutashi flew in yesterday, she and Acchamma saw the show. I went to Serene's friend's May's My-brother-left-for-Nepal dyke party for a tiny tiny spell. slept at 1 something.

I woke up this morning at 4:51. I wasn't sure whether to get up or not, my brain wasn't working, and i wanted more sleep, but i couldnt get real sleep with my mind on getting up to eat before sunrise, and i kept trying to work out a schedule for the morning based on yesterday's newspaper's report of 6:45 sunrise, so that I could know exactly when to get up. Gah. Schedules. Part of me shuns them, and would function just fine without them, if it could get rid of the other part of me that was so conditioned to use them to organize myself and feel more in control.

I did my bathroom stuff and made my bed without the light. it was nice. Went out to the den (we have a living room and what used to be the dining room which i'm now calling the den because i love the sound of a den) to do yoga. Ech. That phrase has such yuppie consumer connotations to it.
"Yes, I do yoga. It's just done wonders for my skin tone."
"Oh, I know, those things are supposed to be just wonderful, I'm thinking of taking up pilates. Or maybe kick-boxing, I can get great deals on both."

So, yeah, I did my yoga. Drank two Delicious Hots. Turned on Subhalakshmi Suprabathams. Acchan cut open the coconut from Durga's mom yesterday. I made honey raisin oatmeal, Acchan sat with me and talked about the exercises he was setting while I ate the oatmeal and drank the coconut water. I followed up with cucumber and feta cheese and finished up with chyavanaprasham and milk. It was starting to get light out. I think I may have ended too late. And I shouldn't have asked Acchan to sit with me, I should have continued in the mood I had built up.

The last few days haven't been so hot. I have a feeling I'm being hard on myself about everything. I need to let up. But this stage I'm in is pretty great, in general. Discipline is coming back to me. Knowing my flow is coming back to me. When knowing my flow really comes I won't even need discipline, I think.

And then when I sat down to write this I skimmed through some of my old entries. I dig em. And I don't care if noone else reads them, or theres something private in them and someone else reads them, I'm writing for me, I like writing and I like reading what I write, so tiddly pom pom.

This week I hope to finish and distribute BOSCO report, read Acchan's manifesto, and go through at least two old dances so I know them again. Check it. I'm out. Wash. Myself and clothes.

Day 39ish
Moon 19ish????
Ambikaaliilaa wrap-up, working on BOSCO report, finish line in sight


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