Monday, October 18, 2004

Fuzzy words that thrust their chin forward

Yesterday I sat with Amma Acchan Acchamma Mutashi as they ate breakfast and lunch, and with Amma Acchan Uncle Balal Aunty Nagma as they had tea and snacks (a gorgeous tempting spread. Amma says the cutlets were excellent, she has to get the recipe.) 2 Delicious Hots with the first two meals, just conversation with the third. When we came back Mutashi made chapatis, dinner was late but great.

Breakfast was even better. Most excellent in fact. Yoghurt with honey, papaya, orange, banana, crackers with pesto dip and mint sauce. Deee-lish.

Rewind. I woke up this morning at 4:41. The alarm was set to ring in 4 minutes. About the same time as yesterday morning, but I slept like a baby the whole night, unlike night before.

Acchan is sick. Kidneys or something. Amma and Acchan are both pretty bad. Food awareness sounds good for all of us. Hopefully Mutashi being here will help us keep Acchamma happy without destroying our own stomachs. Not my own, actually, I've been pretty good even before the fast, except for a few binges, which if I learn to be not guilty about, and also not to extend past that day, shouldnt wreak too much havoc on my body.

So, food awareness. Yeah. But let's talk about Iraq and Palestine. That's my primary attention right? What do I do with this attention? Maybe I'm kidding myself, but I feel like yesterday's conversation with the Balal's and the upcoming possibility of attending mosque with him is a good start.

But that's a social change, and right now on a very individual level. Me understanding and supporting Islam and those under its umbrella doesn't change the very real political force and violence that is ravaging these two areas right now. Of course, as I go, I'm trying to let go of the desire to change things. Or maybe I should say, change things that are not in my control. And not try to gain control in order to change things.

Israel and the United States. If I weren't so anti-hatred I'd have a lot of hatred against them right now, which might even transfer to the people of the country rather than just the states which control them, (although, seriously the people are not often that separate from the State, it's not like they/we are blameless). It would be worse if I'd been affected more concretely, family or friend dying or something. Let's hope I'd still be anti-hatred.

There's a lot of hatred on the ground at these warzones. There's a lot of peaceful intention too, and perhaps I should be there, using myself to counter the hatred, support the peaceful. But I'm here not there and I'm sick of beating myself up about it. Seriously, shut up already. My time will come for the frontlines, the glory, the martyrdom, and hopefully, by that time I will not be doing it for those things, but simply because it is what I must do. For now I am here, I must be and help those around me be food aware and healthy, I must dance, I must read, I must MUST MUST write, I must still my mind, I must breathe full.

'Must' is starting to look funny now, I've written it so many times it's warping into a strange fuzzy chin-thrusting caterpillar thing.

Caterpillars are razing olive farms.
I make salad with extra virgin olive oil.
Some day I will raise an olive farm and
branches of peace will be born from the soil.

Day 40ish
Moon 20ish
Ambikaaliilaa, yeah yeah, this week, I promise.


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